What do you think

Yesterday was definitely a quite day. I met up with my friends in the evening and, after buying an ice cream, we decided to sit down on a bench and talk. We talked about university, about holidays, about annoying relatives and more. We didn't talk about cycling, no. Actually, we never talk about cycling because, every time I say something about this topic, friends look at me and nod their heads, but they don't understand a word of what I say. Therefore, I always avoid speaking about cycling with them. In a certain way, this is an unwritten rule of our little team.

I came back home at midnight and I decided to play with my Playstation for a while. I was there, looking at the tv screen and trying to get over that damned level when, all of a sudden, my sister came in and read me a sms that a friend of her had just sent her. 'They've found Schleck positive at the anti-doping. What do you think?'

My sister read the message a second time and looked at me, waiting for an answer. Unfortunately for her, I hadn't understood the full meaning of the sms yet. 'Frank Schleck resulted positive at the anti-doping'. A simple sentence, if you look at it. A subject, a verb, a completement. Still, sometimes certain simple sentences are the most difficult to understand.

My sister's friend didn't ask her a question, no. He abandoned her with a short statement, with no details, with this thunder, powerful and unexpected in the cool summer night, to deal with. After reading me the sms for a third time, my sister looks at me and still waits for answer. 'Frank Schleck resulted positive at the anti-doping. What do you think?' I would like to tell her that right now I can't actually think. I keep looking at my tv, pretending this is just a joke and trying to remain calm. 'Keep calm and play Playstation!', Logic tells me. She doesn't have to ignore Fangirl because Fangirl is speechless, although deep down she's screaming for explanations, for an answer to all her questions and also to that other question, the one my sister asked me. What do I think - yes, I'd definitely love to have the answer to that question too.

My sister later tells me that Frank resulted positive to a diuretic. I try not to look worried - after all, I'm not the screaming Fangirl I was a few years ago - and I actually manage to. I feel calm, the news hasn't quite sunk in yet. I wait, I keep on playing Playstation.

About 20 minutes later, my sister goes to bed. I keep on playing, I can't get over this level and I wonder why. Perhaps it's because I'm not focused, perhaps it's because I'm thinking about something else. Or perhaps it's because I'm simply not good enough.

By the time I stop playing it's already 2.20 am. Before going to bed, however, I turn on the tv and watch the latest sport news. And there I see that sentence one again. 'Frank Schleck resulted positive at the anti-doping'. I open Televideo (a strange thing that allows you to have a sort of newspaper on your tv) and I see that strange combination of words once again. I read the article under the headline, hoping to find out more about what happened. There are a few details in it, but you can clearly see that also the person who wrote the article didn't expect this thunder to ruin their day. You see the name of the diuretic and you tell yourself that, since you've never heard it, perhaps there has been a mistake in the analysis; perhaps the B sample will be different from the A sample. You think about this fact, you read that name again. As usual, it is one of those names that people can't easily learn. 'Who decides the names for those things?', you wonder yourself. Still, you know that that is the least important question that's running through your mind at the moment. You go on reading, you see that Frank has withdrawn from the Tour. You compare his attitude to the one of other riders and you smile inside. 'That's my boy', Fangirl whispers with an invisible shade of pride in her voice.

You go to bed, you still can't believe what has happened. On the following day you wake up and discover further details. You read Radioshack's statement according to which 'the team has a policy of transparency as far as doping is concerned' and you can't help but laugh. You think about Bruyneel's past, you think about Frank's past, you think about Bjarne Riis and you see him wondering what happened to his boy; you think about the forum supporters who, from today, will claim that 'they never really liked those Schlecks', because it's known that what happens to Frank has consequences also on Andy and viceversa; and you think about yourself, about your feelings. Surprisingly, you don't feel shocked and you don't feel angry. You feel suspended, as in a dream.

You read that Frank denies having taken a diuretic and you believe him. Still, an annoying voice in the back of your mind reminds you that also Riccò, Piepoli and many others 'had no idea' of how CERA and other horrifying substances had managed to end up in their blood. You look for some information about diuretics but, as soon as you read things like 'NaCl', 'potassius' and so on you close the webpage and go back to your thoughts. The annoying voice in the back of your mind reminds you that this is the worst year ever for the Schleck brothers. 'If Frank has taken diuretic and has had such bad results, what did he take during last year Tour, when he arrived 3rd?' You hear this voice in the back of your mind and you try to suffocate it, while you almost feel ashamed by your own thoughts. You think about Fuentes and you send also that thought away from your mind. All in all, you can't believe that your favourite rider has really doped and this leaves you in a state of confusion. You've seen other supporters facing this before and they all looked angry, betrayed, sad. Instead, you just feel indifferent and this makes you feel strange and unreal. What's wrong with you?

You see your parents, they go to work. They're both cycling lovers, they're both looking forward to today's mountain stage at the Tour. They don't know that the daily broadcast is going to start with a doping-news and you don't feel like warning them. You want to avoid their questions, while trying to understand how you feel about this whole thing. You look for answers, you find illusions and doubts. You feel confused and silly because you don't, you can't believe that your favourite rider has doped, but there's nothing to support your belief.

You read Cyclingnews' live coverage of the race and it starts with the news of Frank's positive test. You read that Shack's bus was surrounded by journalists this morning and you see certain images in your mind. The images of Riccò, of Vinokourov, of Di Luca. Unfortunately, this time you can't simply join the screaming crowd and point your finger at the dirty rider, because the dirty rider in question is someone you've always believed in, is one of the two people who got you into this sport. Now, unfortunately, everything seems much more real. You read statetements about the case, you read the opinions of journalists and you try avoiding cycling forums. Then, you find a statement by Jens Voigt, who's been a friend and a colleague of Schleck over the last 7 years. "It's not easy but we'll wait for the B sample and for what Frankie has to say. After all it's many years that I've said he's a good friend of mine. Friendship goes not only in the sunshine but also when it rains. I still believe in him". In Voigt's words I've finally found my own thoughts about this case.
I've been a supporter of Frank for the last 5 years and, although I often criticised him and his brother, I can't help but believe in him. That's not rational, that's not clever. Call me stupid - or, more simply, call me a supporter. I don't care anyway.